Hoping

Hi my little love. Most days I write to you and I'm so broken. Well today I feel ok. I feel hopefully. Max baby I stayed late at work today and installed car seats. I had to deal directly with a very pregnant lady. Her belly was right there in my face. It was real hard to look at her in the eye. I did not want to taint her happiness with my sadness. I did not ask any questions about her baby, did not refer to it as a he/she just baby! I just could not, Max. But at the same time I did a lot better then I thought I would. this is my second time doing car seats since you died, it the first time there was no pregnant women. But I did ok, and I'm proud of myself. It was really hard, but. Just focused on doing my job and why I do it. I am very pro car seat safety, and just tried to stay focused. The second appointment tonight was for an older child, that one was much easier to handle. But the anxiety during and after was better then last time. Last time I had to deal with that lady that knew I was pregnant with you.

Max I love you. I was talking to you last night and tonight. I hope you heard me. I was thanking you for something's. I was also asking you for some things also, i hope thats ok and not to selfish of me, but if you have any say in this universe, can you help this work. I need something to want to get out of bed for. Max I continue to live for you, but I need hope.

Well baby boy, I love you so much. I have to open tomorrow for a coworker, and I'm tired all ready, so I want to go to bed earlier. I love you Max baby.