Emotional today

Hi baby, today I was a pretty emotional : ( just missing you a lot. Work was ok I guess, but I was in the front lobby and I hate it. THere are people everywhere. my belly was feeling funny and full. But while i was in the lobby, I saw one of the ladies from safe kids. We had a good conversation, she is super nice and I really loved car seats, they are just so hard right now. But we talked about you and that was nice. But at the same time it made me sad. There is an event coming up, where they need help. I used to always help. I old her I just cant yet, and she understood. I can do little ones, but not events. Max I wonder if I will ever be better. I sure hope im not in the lobby again.

Max on the way home from work I listened to the song that was sent to us and I started to cry, I cried a lot on the way home. I just could not stop thinking about you. I have so much guilt lately. I miss you so much, and some days it seems so much harder then other days. I feel like 8/16 was yesterday but then I think wow its been 6.5 months and im forgetting you. But there is something amazing about the song, when I hear it, I see you, feel you, and it makes me happy, but sad.

Max is it wrong of me for wanting this. For also wanting this for you and your dad. Does it make me a bad mom to you. Then I have so many fears that this will fail to. I know I need to take everything one day at a time. I just feel like im no good at anything, especially life. I wish you never had to die. I still wonder what I have done so bad in my life not to be able to keep you.

Max I wish I could talk to you and you could respond. I wish I knew that everything is ok, that it will be ok. Im trying to have hope for us, but its so hard. I know that everything you had ever hoped for can go away just like that, in a instant. I wish I knew what was to happen, even more so I wish I knew you were ok.

It was really warm today, and it made me smile and think soon the toads will be back. Im really emotional today and miss you a lot.