6 months part two

So baby today is almost over an like always I'm sleepy and want to go to sleep. I had to go get blood work done , but had lots of time before so I stopped at the store. Well I saw these little toad pots that grow grass. It being your six month mark I had to get it for you. I also bought one for someone else.

Today has been hard. You would think I should be used to these month marks by now, but I'm not. Today I also realized I stopped counting weeks, that made me feel real guilty. I don't know when I stopped counting but I did. Does that mean one day I'm thing to stop thinking about you, stop writing. Max I'm feeling really low. I have been thinking about you all day.

I think I was mean to my sister. She sent me a message saying she is thinking about me, she knows the day is hard and I can talk to her, cry, scream, whatever. Ahhhh she is just like my mom. I told her, to shut up and stop acting emotional. I don't know why, but your one aunt and grand mom drive me nuts with there emotions and need of me to be expressive to them. I never have been and I'm not going to start now. max I just can't with them.

Someone at work today was fired and I feel like I'm responsible for them losing there job. All because of a silly thing, some times being a supervisor is hard. I know I'm not the reason, or the person that fired him, but I still feel bad. That's someone's job. I feel like a bad person all the time, so I guess this does not help. I also feel like I'm getting sick again! Max I feel like I'm always sick.

The one good thing of the day though is I got to have lunch with your wonderfully daddy. While at lunch we talked about it being your 6 months since you we born and died. We talked about you in public while I was in uniform and that made me feel good. I'm discovering that I'm going to stop hiding, and that I'm going to talk about you when ever I want!

I'm super tired which always make me more emotional. Ahhhh Max I miss you and I don't know how to stop and feel ok. I do a real good job at functioning and maybe it is a matter of fake it till you make it!

I love you Max baby!