Emotional, books and the SPCA

Hi my little love, I was real emotional again today. These up and down feelings really stink. I'm so worried that this sibling I so badly want to give you is no longer alive. I can't stop thinking that way. But it's all based on reality, that's the hard part. I'm not being irrational it's all based on past experience. These cramps are getting to me so much and then the blood. Everything scares me, I have done this before. I'm trying real hard to stay ok. I also have been missing you a lot . My sadness had turned in to "what ifs" lately. Like what if you were here what would you be doing. What would you look like now? Where would you be developmentally right now. All those things I just can't stop thinking about. I wonder if my mind will ever not think about you. I hope not.

Max I was real emotional today. One of those moods were I don't want to get of the couch. I started a book today I read all day but then I had to stop and do something, when I got home I started reading again. Max I'm a fast reader and I read the whole book in one day.
It was very good and I downloaded the second book in the series to start tomorrow. I had to stop reading in the afternoon because I had to go to the SPCA for a orientation for volunteers. See Max before you were born I always said I wanted to do certain things, but never did. One of those things was being a volunteer with the animals. Well I never did it.even though I have a friend that does and I love, I always had something else to do and I was selfish. But you changed my life and made me better. I realize I need to do these things I say I want to do. You have made me a better person, and even though doggies have nothing to do with helping baby's I still do it for you, because of you!! You have changed me so much, and some of that change is for the good.