Hi my little love, today was another ok day (even though I was at work blaa) Max I talked to a friend today. We talked a lot about pregnancy and YOU, we talked a lot about you. I really enjoyed it. Max I feel slightly hopefully right now, and that kind of scares me. I need hope, but im scared if I have it, it will be taken from me. Max I love you.

I was talking to your dad tonight on his break and I told him that I changed my mind, I want to name this baby in case this one dies to. I told him if this baby dies I dont want to name him/her after they die. I want them to feel as loved as you. You had a name for a long while before you were born, you were Max. This baby should have a name. I told your daddy that I think this one will be a girl. I think that because I truly belive you have a say in all this. I dont think you want a brother, I think you want a sister. I think you want to be the only boy for a while. There has to be some reason why the embryo transfer did not work, I think because statistically most ivf/embryo transfer babys are boys, because of timing and selection of sperm. I think you want this one. SO it must be a girl ( how is that logic for you! ) So Max we named her tonight. If she dies, she will have a name. ( I hope this baby stays alive though) Oh I also decided on a really long name, that if she stays alive she wont like until she is older. Part of my thinking is maybe if the name is long she will stay alive.

Max I wonder if you like that you have a name. That you were Max for months before you were born. Do they call you Max in heaven? Or when you go there, do you get another name? I hope not, Max is perfect for you.

I love you baby boy