Hello baby boy! Today has been ok, I really enjoy watching the birds on the front porch. I was never much into birds, but there is something real peaceful about them. I also enjoy looking up birds to try and identify which one are on my porch. Max baby your sibling hit 10 weeks. Yes you lived till 41 weeks but you were an IVF baby. I have never been pregnant this long, on my own and thats scary. I know im going to be an anxious mess until or If this baby gets to come home.

Max baby did you pick this one, is there a reason why the embryo transfer did not work. Do you want a sisiter instead of a brother. Most IVF/embryo transfer babys are boys, so maybe this one is a girl and you are choosing. WEll I sure hope you want to help me keep this baby around.

Max an old coworker talked about you today, he asked how I was doing. I never no how to answer that question. Do I lie and just pretend or do I tell people how hard this is and how missing you does not get any easier. I dont know what to say when people ask me how Im doing. Im living, im functioning but other then that I dont know how well im doing. I dont have you with me. Another co-worker talked about how close he was to his son, and he is away for week. How much he is going to miss him. In a weird way he made me upset. Not because he said anything wrong, but because Im jealous of that relationship, and I know if you were here we would have that to.

Max I love you.