Hi Max baby, I'm still feeling pretty crappy. It's slowed down a little, but the cramps have not. I hate this. Today in general was a bad day at work. I broke our garage door where we move the inmates in and out with the prisoner van. Shut it because it was open and did not see the van that was coming through. The door broke pretty bad, they had to call people from Philadelphia to come fix it. I hate doing things wrong, or when they are my fault.
BUT despite my mood and this day, I had a great thing happen to me. Max I am still blown away by kindness and that people would want to be kind to me. I don't understand why , but at the same time beyond grateful. I don't want to say what, but someone said some of the kindest words to me to day. I should say more like offer. Somebody offered something to me, that wether or not it should ever happen means so much to me. That someone would give up there body for me. I'm hoping I never need her offer and I'm hoping Thursday proves me wrong again. I don't know what Shane would think, I don't know if he thinks someone can be this kind, just because. I think they can, it's just surprising it's towards me. A lot of things would have to happen, but it gives me a little glimmer of hope. Max baby I really need hope.
I'm tired and drained of everything. I want you back and I miss you. I know I can't have that, but I don't understand why my body won't let me carry another one. I hope tomorrow is better and but right now mostly I hope Thursday comes fast and is good.
I love you Max baby and I hope you know that!
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