Anxiety

Hello baby I wanted to try not writing tonight and see how bad it made my anxiety. Well obviously I'm writing so I did not get to even trying. Today was sort of productive. Overall a good day. I have been talking a lot about you to your daddy and I like that together we can include you in our life. I like that it's ok. I love being able to talk about you with your dad.

Max I'm strafing to look pregnant and i told your dad how I want to look pregnant to strangers but I want to hide it as best I can to those that know me. By talking to your dad I figured out that those that know me the congratulations makes me feel weird. I don't want to here it. It seems fake or like they feel sorry. I'm also very afraid that I will be judged or they will forget you and focus on this child only. Where a stranger is innocent and there is no uncomfortable emotions or pre-anxiety.

Max I really wish your dad, Beanz and I could just pack up and run away somewhere very far. Where everything is different and there are no sad memories. Max I can't function anymore with normal people.

I love you Max. Good night my sweet boy!