Monday, April 16, 2012

8 months and sadness.

Hi baby boy. You should be 8 months today. I hate this so much. Im starting to melt down right now and I hate the way I feel. Its just so empty inside.

I went and got our new dog addition. In all honestly im worried. She is a great dog so far, but im worried I made a bad decision. Even though she is very good, other then chasing the cats. I hope that does not last to long. I hope Beanz stays just as wonderful as he is. I guess its good that there is a dog on each side of me sound asleep. I just wonder if Im doing this to avoid even more of my sadness and emotions. I think this is a decision I wanted to do, but I still worry. Max my mind has been busy today, but now that im settled im starting to fall apart. You are so important to me and I wish I could not feel this way.

ahhhhhhhh Max. I cant even begin to describe the way I feel tonight. Its a night I wish I could be holding you and kissing you . Well thats every night, but my longing for you is pretty intense baby boy.

I hope you can see me, and know how I miss you so much. I need to try not to think and shut my mind off.
Good night baby boy.

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