Happy 4th of July baby boy! I hope your having a grand old time! This is another first for you and another first with out you. Other then trying to get our pool chemicals right, I did nothing today. Your daddy is working and I tried to stay out of the heat. Max I really miss you. Its getting harder and harder as your birthday approaches. I dont want a year to come. I dont want time to move away from the day you were born. More then anything I want to take time back and have you in my belly again and then have you stay alive.
Max I was looking for something for a friends baby today, and I had no desire at all to look for things for your sister. When I was pregnant with you I loved shopping and buying things for you. I learned my lesson though. I dont want anything for her until after she is here. i wonder if that will change the further along I become. But for now, I learned not to be prepared not to expect that just because im pregnant, I will get to keep her. What ever made me think that with you. I should have known better, all the good things in life, all the things I want are taken away. I have no idea what I have done in life thats so bad.
I miss you-Im very scared that I will nt get to keep your sister either. I want to go through your things and decide what I can use and what will be to hard to use. But I cant yet. Again, I dont want to prepare. If I dont expect much the disappointment wont be as strong.
Max I love you so much, your daddy and I were looking at your photos today and he things your sister is going to have your lips. You had your daddys side of the family lips and mouth. The ultrasounds make it seem like she is going to look like you. Thats exciting and scary all at the same time.
Max I am so grateful for you and everything I have. I love your daddy and I know he loves you!
Good night my beautiful boy and I hope you have an amazing view of the fireworks!
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