Max today was not a bad day, but I was pretty emotional on and off. I had to go to a car seat thank you lunch today. I really like the people who we work side by side with. Im just so different, and Im not happy so its draining having to pretend. I also have not told these people that im pregnant with your sister. I dont know if they noticed, if they did they did not say anything. I was ok with that. Max these are very good people, they were there at your memorial service.
Max I have been struggling with a picture I saw at my moms house (your grandmom) It was a really cute picture of all the living grandkids. It really hurt me that you were not included. It hurt that the year is coming up and they just did this picture. They could have included you, but holding your picture in a frame or bringing something that symbolized you. I saw this on Saturday and it has been eating at me ever sense. Max am I being over sensitive? Should I be as hurt as I am over this. Also normaly when they take new pictures like this , they show me and give me one. This I had no idea and was shocked by it. Almost like they new I would be hurt. Maybe I bring this on myself. I dont want to talk to them about how im feeling, but I dont want them to leave you out. The sister that had the picture done, asked how she can contribute to my plans for your birthday Max, so i figured that would be my oppertunity to say something. I was given the advice that maybe I should say something, and your daddy also told me its ok to say something, BUT he told me to be nice! He made me laugh!
Your birthday plans are coming together. The funny thing Max is im a huge procrastinator, but with your birthday actually planning as been preventing me from falling a part.
I love you.
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