Preparing for mothers day.....

Hi baby boy. So far today is ok. I’m doing ok I guess.  Mothers day is still looming in the background, but today I am ok.

Last night I got so upset. I really really, REALLY dislike your daddy’s brother. He is mean and psychotic. I hate the way he treats your dad and his mom. He basically told your dad that he thinks he has a son from a long time ago. The kid would be close to 18 now. (he has told your dad this before, but your dads brother lies all the time) Well anyway he told your dad that he is going to tell there mom on Mothers day.  At this point your daddy did not know what he wanted to tell his, mom. He just asked your dad if he thinks he should tell there mom a surprise on mothers day. Your daddy told him to check with her because she might not want any surprises.  Well his brother gets so mad and mean to him all the time. He then told your dad that he is jealous and he is telling her on mother’s day that she is a grandmother. Max baby I was so upset. Mostly because he is probably lying and because I truly believe he only did it to make your dad feel bad. He does this stuff to him all the time when he is drunk.  Its most likely a lie, because his brother is gay and LIES about everything. I feel so bad for your dad, how could anyone bring this up to there own family and accuse them of just being jealous that they have a son. I really dislike him and the things he does to his family.

I made it very clear to your dad I want know parts of any family things on mothers day. The day alone is really hard. I don’t need to be at his house. I have not even bought my own mom a card. I all ready made it very clear that I’m not going anywhere.

Max I received a mothers day card today. It really meant a lot. You may not be alive but I am your mommy. I don’t need any thing, nor do I expect things but its nice to be remembered that I am still a mom. I may not have you in my arms anymore, but we are connected. WE will always be connected.  It’s probably going to be the only mother’s day card. Most people don’t remember mothers like me.

I never thought the anticipation for mother’s day would be like this. I never thought this silly commercialized day would be so hard.  Good thing I can’t cry right now (at work) Because the tears are ready to bust out.

I looked for a card for a mom friend like me. They make nothing of the such. I think I should start my own hallmark card line. Cards for people holidays forget about or hurt.

Max I’m your mommy! Thanks for being my beautiful baby.