Max I’m having a hard time tonight. I’m at work and it is going ok, but out of knows here two of the guys I work with start talking about Mothers day . I cant get away from it anywhere I go. They just randomly started talking about what they are doing for there wives. Then the one started talking about his baby, saying how if he does not go home he does not need to take care of the baby. Something about how he seems like he always is. Max my heart is breaking. I would do anything to take care of you. I just started singling LA L A LA in my head really loud. Trying to keep my self from crying or walking out. These people have no bad intentions, its just they do not think about how I would be feeling. But why should they ? Not everyone needs to think about how others will be affected by things. How hard this day is. How incredible hard this stupid day is. To be honest I think mothers day will not be so bad, its all the stupid anticipation of it, all the preparations and commercialization. I know I cant avoid what comes out of peoples mouths, so I hues I just keep screaming in my head as loud as I can so that I cant hear what’s being talked about.
Max I’m your mommy, and I want you here. I’m having a hard time. I started to cry today to your daddy. I would like to know if this will ever get easier. Your dad asked what we should do for mother’s day. I said we should just sit in your room all day. Maybe have lunch by your tree. On the way to work today I thought about going to a cemetery and walking around, reading graves and putting flowers on graves. Those people that dies are somebody’s child, somebody’s mother. I want to put them on graves that maybe have been forgotten. I don’t want anyone left out. Maybe it sounds morbid. Maybe not. Max I miss you. I wonder how many people will forget those that no longer have there child, that no longer have there mother. Will they care, will they go about there day(s) in complete bliss. They have it all. I want to tell these people to be aware of how others are feeling, to remember those that have had a hard year. You never know when your perfect life will be taken away. Be kind to everyone, you don’t know what they are going through. Max im going through a lot. I bet most people will forget about you and I on mother’s day. Your NCIU nurse remembered, one friend and your daddy remembered. I don’t know how many other people truly will. The thing that really hurts is if you were here in person, everyone would remember!
One amazing thing though, my dads family that I never talk to. They never seemed to take the time to love us. To want to be a part of our lives. Well I was fooling around on facebook and I saw one of my aunts had this shrine. In the shrine was a beautiful big picture of my grandmom, but also you were there. Max I started to cry. It was beautiful and amazing that she would put you there with her. She was the most amazing lady. It meant so much to me. Its starting to make me cry again. Maybe at some point I can copy the picture and put it here with you.
I love you Max. Soon I will leave work and be home with your amazing daddy.
Sleep well my beautiful boy.
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| Your picture with my beautiful Grandmom. |
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| From a friend. Thanks Max |
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