Up and down day

Hello baby boy. Today I was so up and down. I have been super emotional day and then happy. Multiple times in a day. This afternoon, I went to Casey's for a fundraiser pow wow. It was good to see he and other people. But I could to get away and I was getting so sad. So manny people were talking about there kids (babys) and it makes me so sad. I don't ever want people not to talk about there kids because of me. It just makes me so sad. I also have a hard time in social situations. I don't belong in the world that I used to know. I was so overwhelmed when I left. Your dad was so nice to me when I got home. I miss being normal, and being able to be around friends. I want that back , but mostly I want you back. I don't want to not be invited places, but then when I go the depression hits me hard. It's getting better over time though.

Last night I was sad because I don't get toads from you anymore. Well your daddy took Beanz for a run and told me he saw a big fat toad! I did not see him, but it still made me happy. Then max the neatest thing happened and really effected me. I barely speak to my dads is of the family since my grandmom died about 10 years ago. Well today I received a really nice card and a cute toad pin, from and aunt. She is actually my god mom, but I have not felt love from them since I was little. Max it meant so much to me and really touched me. She said she has had the card since you died but did not know what to say. I'm so touched that people think of you still.

Your birthday will be here soon, and I wish I could have a huge party for you. I'm scared though. I want to do something so special for you.

I spent a lot of time in your room tonight. It was so peaceful, but I did get worried of how it's going to change.

Well It's time for bed Audi love you so much Max baby!