Frog and Max suprise!

I love you.

Max-I dont know why but I went in your room and started looking at all your clothes, going through the vacuum packed bags. I started putting them in piles. Ones that are definitely just for a boy, ones that will always be just for you, and then the ones that I will share with your sister if she stays alive. Im going to have to tell a lot of strangers that she is a girl (hopefully) because she will be wearing boy clothes. But I dont care. BUT again I dont know why, because I dont plan on preparing much for her at all. (Mainly because im scared, and hopefully if she comes home I will have lots of time) But I found your Halloween costume. I was SO excited for Halloween with you, its such a fun holiday and my favorite.  Before you were born and died, I guess I never paid much attention to it. I actually though it was a dragon, or monster. I had NO IDEA it was a frog. Max as soon as I touched it this time I relized what it was. I started to cry, I cryed a lot and im startign to cry now, but its happy tears. Its so weird how ou have a way of touching me. Did I sort through your clothes to find that. I dont know. All I know is YOU made my night. I miss you so much, and the more this little girl moves in me the more fear, anxiety and hope come up. Im happy to have her, but I dont know if she will stay either. But this moment finding that costume that I was so excited to put you in, even though for all this time I was completely wrong with what it was, made me smile. Made me believe you are still with me. Your coming through in ways I will never understand. I love you and thank you.