Max I am exhausted and overwhlemd! Monday last year it was the 15th and I was so happy, I was being induced, I was preparing for you. Tonight I spent all night buying diapers and premie clothes. Not for you or I, but for other babies in need. Tomorrow and wednesday I go to meet people and pick up more donations. I am so very greatful, but im also overwhlemd and sad. I am so glad that this donation in your name is going so well. Im just sad, tired and wish I was doing something else. BUT this has kept me focused. The only bad part of being so busy is that I feel like Im going to break down any moment. Your birthday (Thursday) is approaching faster and faster. I cant keep up and I was floating, but now my body feels heavy. sinking again. I dont know how much stroger I can be.
Today was a doctors apoinment for your sister, your daddy came with me. I am so glad he did, being there always makes me feel so sad. It was better with him there. I really did not want to go, this week. Your birthday week, but the doctor I saw because the one I see all the time is out for the whole month, was super nice and I really like her.
Im still overwhlemd and still trying to get my head on straight. I need to keep it together for two more days at work. I really wish I could shut down, give up, sleep, hide, run. I really want to run away.
I love you.
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