Max, im having a bad morning. Well its only bad because of my emotions, and im tired. It also does not help (or maybe the main reason why im emotional) is because a co-workers wife is having a baby. She is due next week. Everyone keeps talking about it. First time this first time that. It really bugs me. you should have been my first time everything but instead my second child will be my first expereinces. Not how it should be. Then a comment was made about everything he will be doing, not sleeping, changing diapers, there was a room full of people chiming in. Its what they should be doing but it still is just so hard for me. Then this guy told my about a former co-worker whose wife is pregnant, she is due today, but he said the doctors are going to induce her right away. He said I thought they wait at least a week, and went on to say how werid that was. I know he does not know much about you, but it really effected me. If you were induced the week you were due, you would be alive. That bothers me so much over and over and over. You WOULD be alive. The chain of events, everything that happened was because you were late.
I was doing well for a little bit, but the sadness is slipping deep again.
I thought I was having contractions (real ones yesterday) they did not hurt but they were very consisitant. every 10-15 mins the belly would get super hard. I guess I was hoping they were real. SO that I could be reasured that she is ok. That she would be here. But I went to bed, and woke, up, went to work. Everything is normal. Except me!
I feel aggitated, short tempered, very emotinal, and just tired. Oh also hungery, but most of all Im missing you. Im having a really hard time with that right now. I dont remmeber the last time I worte you at work and in the morning. Today I really needed to. I miss you very much. I need you Max.
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