I just need to complain or vent or something. Its not that im not happy a co-worker is having a baby i just dont care about all the details. The co-workers wife was due yesterday and she is in labor today. Everyone is talking about it at work. I DONT CARE. I dont care about the details, i dont care to here oh he must be an exited Daddy. Your dad was exicited and then you died. Its not fair that I continue to have to have to hear this over and over. All about him being tired and changing diapers bla bla bla all that was gone and lost for us. Its hard to get explain. I al REALLY exicited that his wife is pregnant and im pretty posiitve his baby will stay alive, but some people really effect me and hearing about it all the time at work is annoying. He is not a personal friend. Some people im not efftected by baby talk at all. Maybe because its not Ok for me to talk about you, but it is more then ok for them to talk about there happiness and future. I dont get to talk about my future, my love. But he can. Eveyone at work can, either brag or complain. I dont even have the chance to say I was tired or complain about having a newborn. its all so tough STILL. Im tired, im sad and im scared.
Maybe im still jelous I dont have you. Because your sister is in my belly nothing is still gaurented. It also does not mean I am over you or that it gives eveyone the right at work to assume I am to talk about such things all around me. Im dreading the picture that will be coming with in hours of the happy family and the newborn. Its like a slap in the face over and over and over. I miss you so much Max and I feel like its getting dark and lonely again. Not sure why I still feel this way. I also dont think once your sister comes it will pass. I think people may assume even more that im ok. AHHHHHHHHHHHHH thanks baby for listening. Thanks for being amazing.
"The air is growing thick
A fear he cannot hide
The dreaming tree has died"
DMB
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