Thank you for watching over ALex. Thank you for letting me bring her home. Thank you. Thank you for being with me during the C-section. I felt you, I felt you in me and around me. Thank you for sending me that sign today, Thank Lauras mommy as well. I have to believe that she is watching you like she promised. Its the only thing that makes sense. The way those signs worked today. There were things I did not know, that the picture of her mommys name there were signs in that, that I would have not known ahead of time. This nurse GRace talked to me about you so much. It was so comforting and peaceful. She wanted to know you. She was ok with me being so emotional with Alex. I was allowed to be a mess. But that she wanted to know about you was so nice, then I wanted to let Laura know There was a Grace who was a nurse watching over me and it reminded me of her mom. I was going to take a picture for her when I told her, but I forgot. SO today I had her again. I took the picture before I left. Her it turns out that today is 11 months exactly since her mommy died, the other name in the picture is Ruth. Lauras mommy "grace" well her best friend's name is ruth and is also a nurse. I truly believe the talking about you was a way of you and her letting me know you are ok. You are with us, you are ok with me loving your sister so much. A way of me getting a message to Laura that her mommy is ok. That somehow in this universe her promise was kept in taking care of you. That she is alive and well in heaven with you. To some it could seem so silly and simple. Just a weird coincidence. But I believe its something bigger.
Max I have been using your blankets with you sister. I know you would share. Max I am so in love, she is amazing. But I am also missing you so much. Part of me feels at peace, the other part is falling apart. I am so emotional. I want to hide your sister from the world and keep her just to me. But I try to do everything that I would have done with you. Its only fair to her. She is amazing and everything good in her brings me back to you. She looks different but has enough features to allow me to see you in her.
I love you Max
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