Hi my favorite little boy. Today was a really hard day for me. Im really struggling and I really miss you. Everything reminds me of you and I dont know how much more outside stress I can take. Im so overwhelmed with fear of something going wrong with your sister. Im just so scared, scared of everything. Then there is so much going on outside of being pregnant and outside of missing you. Your daddy is so stressed and I just cant take anymore. All day I was on the edge of tears. Your daddy called and was so angry and overwhelmed about something, but I just could not handle it. I started crying but I was at work so I had to hang up. Luckly I was able to get away and cry. The rest of the day I was ready to cry at every little thing. I am so tired from everything and not sleeping, and just SO emotional overwhelmed with life. But I did not feel good, I woke up not feeling well, but had to go to work. Luckily I was able to leave early. I cried the whole way home, and when I saw your daddy I cried even more. I think your daddy is the same as me right now. Emotional, stressed, scared, and he has even more then I do going on right now. But we both actually went to bed together at 2:30 and took a nap ( I never take naps) I only feel asleep for 20 mins, your daddy and an hour and a half! But just laying there not doing, or worrying about anything was nice. Of course though Afterwards I cried some more, but got myself together. I was looking at the childbirth book, I had from a class with you. Nothing in there explains how to deal with labor after you once were in labor and the baby died at the end of it. The fear of a c-  section,not because of the surgery but because of the past outcome. The fear of your sister being taken away and I never 
see her again. 

But I was able to get myself together and go food shopping (which I despise) but we need some food! 

I miss and love you so much baby boy. Please stay with me.